First of all, thank you for reading this. I met my best friend a year and a half ago. Since then, we've been doing almost everything together. People around think that we're lesbians. But we both know that we're not. I'm very grateful to have her as my best friend.
You see, I used to be a social butterfly before I met her. Then, I thought that I wanted to change, I want to have smaller social circle with more genuine friendships. (If you have too many friends, you won't have time to build up strong ones) That was when I decided to give it a try.
My best friend is like a pure golden apple. She's smart (top of the class) but has a genuine heart for everyone, In fact, everyone likes her. She is easy going and never step on anyone's tail. And she doesn't get mad, ever (except in front of me), and thinks good of everyone, even those who trespass against her.
But the problem is, I don't have a big heart like hers. I get jealous really easily with the people around her, just because we're parting and she's going elsewhere. I was afraid that I would one day be replaced.
But she assured me that I'm forever her best friend and tries to compromise every of my insecurity issues. For countless times, I've gone mad and upset just because I think our friendship wouldn't last or wouldn't stay the same. I don't trust her enough. I don't have the confidence. We kept on fighting and resolving afterwards. Even though she hardly gets mad, she gets upset easily when I'm very cold towards her. I know she cares for me a lot. Everyone around has been telling me so.) Like a there was once, she promised to come back easily just after school had ended to have lunch with me, but didn't fulfill her promise because her classmates asked her out for lunch, and she isn't the person who says no to a friendly invitation, so she texted me that she would have lunch outside and apologized, I didn't see the message so I was really upset. After that, she even bought me lunch as compensation but I didn't take it well. We didn't speak to each other. I know I hurt her by ignoring her, but I just couldn't speak to her at the moment. And she started ignoring me as well. I feel like I'm such a bad person comparing to her, always using her weakness and manipulating her. I wanna change that.
Now, I'm afraid she'll one day be tired of my childish acts. I told her I gave up on our friendship a few times, but she still held on to it. (I'm easily discouraged and lacking of confidence) I'm afraid if one day, she's the one who decides to give up on me, then, we're over.
So, what can I do to prevent this? What should I change in mind to protect our friendship and make sure we never fight again because of my lacking in security? How can I grow up with out letting go of our friendship and treat her better?