He is telling you without actually saying it, that he does not want to adopt and that's okay. Someone who adamant of wanting kids of "their own", is someone who won't treat an adoptive child (or even a step child) like they are. Adoption isn't in his heart and that's okay, but that also...
Best answer: He is telling you without actually saying it, that he does not want to adopt and that's okay. Someone who adamant of wanting kids of "their own", is someone who won't treat an adoptive child (or even a step child) like they are. Adoption isn't in his heart and that's okay, but that also means adoption shouldn't happen either. Often what happens in this situation is the one who doesn't want to adopt, gets talked into it, then years down the road if they separate, the adoptive parent who really wasn't into essentially abandons the child and doesn't have anything to do with them. That's quite traumatic for a child, who will already have trauma associated with adoption.
What do you consider "children in need"? As far as infants or newborns, there's no shortage of people willing to adopt them. For every infant/newborn expected to be placed for adoption, there's 40 applicants per baby who want them. A domestic newborn/infant adoption through an agency or adoption attorney is $20,000+ An international one is more.
Where the shortage is, is children in foster care. Those are the kids that actually need a home and most are over 3 years old. Some of them have had a very rough life with abusive parents, parents incarcerated, parents deceased, parents with drug addictions, they're in foster care through no fault of their own. A foster care adoption is free or very minimal costs.
I have both adopted and biological children and aside from the physical aspects of pregnancy and giving birth having biological children was a LOT easier.
During the adoption process you have to endure a home study, which consists of:
Criminal background check
Physical from a physician
3-5 references that will be interviewed
Parenting classes (including CPR)
A home inspection
A home study through an agency adoption is about $1000-3000 (on top of adoption fees) but one through foster care is free. Most agencies will not accept a home study done through foster care. All adoption types require a home study and for each adoption.
I adopted twice from foster care. My husband was always on-board with adopting or having biological kids (or both), he wanted to be a parent, he didn't care by which method. I didn't have to talk him into it. I had 2 kids when we met (one is adopted, one is not) and we wanted to add on to that. The one that I adopted, I adopted her as a single parent from foster care, she was a baby placed with me and I adopted her after her first birthday. After my husband and I married, he also adopted her. Then we adopted a little boy who was placed with us a couple years later. After that we had 3 more biologically (got a 2fer in there, we have twins).
As it stands right now, you cannot adopt. To adopt as a couple, you must be married. Most states require you be married 1-2 years in order to adopt.
Parenting an adopted child is the same, but different than your biological kids. I have different issues with them. My adopted daughter sees an aunt, a half sister and a grandma from her bio mom's family, but nobody from her bio dad's she has a lot of unanswered questions from them both. Her half sister has a different dad, her sister is being parented by her dad (sisters dad). She doesn't look like her bio mom's family and doesn't know what her bio dad's family looks like. Her bio dad signed that termination of parental rights as fast as he could so I could adopt her and she doesn't know why. My adopted son, both of his parents are in prison. We have no contact with his bio dad, but we do minimally with his bio mom. We send her updates and pictures of him a few times a year and also do a video call with her twice a year. He has no contact with other family members so he has no idea what any of them are like. He's also black and we are white, so that's a whole different issue that we don't match him. It's not an issue for us or him, but it sure is for other people.
2 weeks ago