It's got quite a few issues and flaws, but I don't do line by line critique here unless I have a specific request for that and the poster's promise to behave like a reasonable person when they see exactly what's wrong with their writing. Too often I've taken a half hour to help an aspiring...
Best answer: It's got quite a few issues and flaws, but I don't do line by line critique here unless I have a specific request for that and the poster's promise to behave like a reasonable person when they see exactly what's wrong with their writing. Too often I've taken a half hour to help an aspiring writer only to have them be embarrassed and delete the question, or to get all hostile and defensive, stalking me here and thumbs-downing or reporting every reply I make.
The issues I see are with wordiness, chronology, and dialogue attribute goofs. All teachable elements, for the record.
Edit: Here you go. Remember, it's just on person's opinion.
All it took for Adam to visibly jump was the first BANG! [This is a goof in chronology. You tell the reader he jumps before you tell us there's a sound that caused it. There's a point of view issue as well. If Adam "visibly jump(s)" then whose point of view are we in that they observe the jump? I'd have assumed Adam is alone and we're meant to be inside his head as he experiences what happens.][In fact, a lot of what isn't working in this is a failure to be inside Adam's head as he experiences it. The reader needs to know not what he sees, hears, and says but what he thinks and feels.] “What the hell?” He said [You nearly lost me right here. Knowing when (and why) to capitalize dialogue tags (the "he said" parts) is basic and this mistake shows you haven't mastered it.] to himself [Do we need "to himself" if we know he's alone in the room?] as he rose to his feet [To one's feet is the only way to rise, so saying that is redundant.] from the chair he had been falling asleep on. [<--Again, chronology slip-ups. The order of events you present to the reader is very nearly backward. In literal order, he was falling asleep, there was a sound, he jumped, he rose from the chair.] When the noise didn’t come to an end [<--Wordy. How about a simple "didn't end" or "continued"?], he fought through his slightly shaky yet rapid breathing [<--I literally don't get how a person would have to fight through their breathing, even if it's shaky and fast.] and inched closer towards his door to lock it [Here's a great spot where the reader deserves to be inside Adam's head. Why does a noise make him scared rather than curious? I bet you know, but the reader doesn't.], but that’s when he heard [This is classic filtering, telling us which sense the character used to gain input. Create a sound and let your reader assume he heard it.] movement coming from the other side of it. He slowly opened the door [just] wide enough [just--moved to a better spot] to peek through the crack, [Not a big deal, but I'd break for a new sentence here, since there's no compelling reason to join the clauses.] and once he saw that it was just a group of people [Too vague. Does he know them? Don't withhold information from the reader.] , he heavily sighed and then [Use and or then, never both.] folded his arms across his frail chest.
“Hey, geniuses,” Adam said loud enough from behind the now wider doorway. [<--As dialogue attibutes go, this is awkward and contains an error in fact. (The doorway isn't wider; the door is open wider. Not the same thing.) Loud enough for what or who? Does the reader need to be reminded the door is opened wider when it was the last thing he did? Keep an eye out for repetition. You've used "loud enough" very soon after "wide enough."] “Way to bring those things over here.” [Congratulations for being one of the few people who knows you need a comma after "hey." The dialogue spoken sounds natural and real. I'm hoping your next sentence would tell the reader what "those things" are.]
[Like any critique, all you have to do is be open to it. Use what you like, ignore the rest. Happy writing!]