Pleaze read my story... since im going into 6th grade, it wont be the best?

Pleaze give alot of ideas on what to write next, but also should i continue to typr more or no?? ^^ thanx for helping me. Well if possible will u try to read all of it.

In my opinion, this did not even seem necessary for me to have shown up here in this useless place. Simple as that, the schools just had to do was switch my girl files back over to Winston’s and we would have this whole thing settled and the case would be closed. Nothing else needed to be done here at all. If only they did switch the files, I wouldn’t be complaining and everything will be fix. In my point of view it would, but not in others. As you can see, the headmaster of Westville’s Academy for Boys was not a smart Headmaster, especially because he didn’t switch the files. If I were the Headmaster, or shall I say the principle, I would make the kids happy and not torture them, but I wasn’t.

Update:

Couple hours went by, but I lost track after two boring hours I waited in the tidy office sitting down holding a document that shows my past records in schools and what schools I went to. For an two of wait are so, which I could use for hanging out with my friends, the man which I could beg to change the files back hadn’t even entered the room the first time yet. It’s not like the office was a bad place to be, right. Well, in my opinion it was the worst place in the history of worst places. The entire place is cover in Westville’s signature colors that are blue, red, and white unlike Winston’s signature, which are pink, yellow, and white. I despise the color of black and red, the black reminds me of how bored I am and the red reminds me of blood, which I hate looking at. Neither the chair weren’t very great here, it was one of those that you would think would be in a questioning room at a police station like you did something wrong.

Update 2:

However, it is just uncomfortable enough to make you want to get out whatever it was they wanted to know as fast as possible without looking back. At least that’s how I felt right now. I wanted to get out what needed to be said and just get out of there in one piece, and after being told this was all just a huge mistake. “Isabella Cortez?” A tall porky man asked as I turned and watched him close the door behind him. I just realized that the door had bars up and down like a jail for prisoners. I wanted to get out of here as fast as possible, but I wanted to see if I could change back to me all girl school. He turned on the bright light on his desk, and it made me feel that I was captive and couldn’t move. The principle made me feel very uncomftable and he was creepy like this school full of boys. The guy was wearing a black suit with a red tie and white shoes that didn’t match at all. This porky man looked like he was showing a bit of school spirit two weeks before school even began.

Update 3:

Oh yeah, that sure made him a great “Headmaster Matthew? “Principle, may you change the files back so I can attend the all girl school. ” I asked politely, remembering some of the many lessons my mother had tied to pound into my head since I was a very young girl. She’d started training me for these sorts of things at the young age of six. Yes, you read correctly. I was being taught to not slurp my soup and to always walk with poise when I was SIX YEARS OLD. “No, I’m sorry you have to be here over something like this, and I’m afraid I have some horrid news,” he said as he went around his desk, whiling folded his arms, and stared at me like I was the most interesting thing to study in this room. Though I would have to say that the stuffed falcon, the school mascot, in the corner was certainly more entertaining, than me. “What kind of horrid news?” I asked even though I knew what the principle would say.

Update 4:

He didn’t have to tell me at all that I had to attend Westville’s the all BOYS school, this year. “Well, I’m afraid we have a rule here that says that a student may not switch schools after being accepted into Westville’s, at least not for a semester. This means that I’m afraid you will have to remain a student here until January at which time we may transfer you back to Winston’s,” Headmaster Matthew said slowly and in a voice that sounded faker than Paris Hilton. “And you’re sure there’s nothing you can do about it?” I asked getting desperate. I couldn’t attend an all boys’ school. That was something I hadn’t even had to deal with since I was in elementary school because my mom wanted me to respect them more, before I transferred into a private all girls’ school. I wasn’t sure I was ready to be pushed back into a life full of having to always look good and being around the opposite gender just yet, but something told me I didn’t have much of a choice to attend it or not.

Update 5:

. “There is nothing I can do, Miss Cortez. I’ve tried everything, but there is just no way around the rule since they had it for centuries. You’ll have to attend the school here for a semester.” He grinned. “I’m sure you’ll find that Westville’s is a wonderful school, and I’m looking forward to seeing you in classes on September 1st.” “Don’t forget to address me as Headmaster, not Principle.” he replied. This signaled the end of our meeting, so I stood up to leave, nodding at the headmaster as I went from my chair to the closed door. As soon as I was on the other side of the large oak door, my goody-good face slipped off like a small child on ice. There was no reason for me to be all proper anymore if I’m not around the headmaster or headmistress. No reason what so ever.

Update 6:

well yeah... i told u it is not the best -.-

Update 7:

thanx for the help ^^

I may just stop writing this 1

Update 8:

there is more boring stuff to this, but i didn't want you to be bored to death, and when you answer, can u tell the truth

Update 9:

hey, that helped me alot book_wor... thanx ^^

6 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    Always start a new paragraph when you use dialogue. Indent when needed. Add some sensory details. Like how the office was set, what kind of things were there. How th chair you sat in for hours felt. Was it comfortable? Why or why not was it comfortable. Describe the desk or something. What was on it? It seems a bit blank. I liked how you compared the colors and stuff, but you should put what gave off those colors. Was it just ugly paint on the walls? Or was it a quilt? Were there shelves of trophies? If you're successful at adding these little things, then your readers should be able to picture the room your narrator was in for hours. As of now, it does seem a bit blank. When the principal talks, try putting in some expression details. If the principle's expressionless, then write that. Put some of the principal's character into it. When he walked, did it seem like he had all the time in the world or was he rushed? Did he have frown lines or laugh lines on his face? You could think of more yourself, but I'm just giving you some examples. Trust me, these small things will make a big difference. If you work on this stuff now, it'll come naturally when you write when you get older.

  • Aly
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    When I was in 6th grade, I couldn't write as good as that. If you dream of being a writer, write everyday, about everything, explore your thoughts and emotions.

    Some advice from my 6th grade teacher: Imagery. Picture it in your head, and then paint that picture with words. Describe using all 5 senses.

    But I think, all considered, you've got potential. You're right, this story wasn't the best. Practice, and one day we might be reading your books in the library.

  • B.K.
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Just because somebody is in 6th grade doesn't mean they shouldn't be on Yahoo Answers. It was a relatively good story, but needs some more detail. Try showing, not telling.

    BK

  • 1 decade ago

    umm well first you need to brake up the dialouge,once someone says sometihng you have to make it like a new paragraph even if people are talking constently like for example:

    "Hey Bob, what's up?"

    "Nothing much."

    "blah blah blah"

    "blahblahlblahh"

    get it? and make it more intresting so people wont get bored reading it...you need to have a hook that grabs the readers attention...as i learned in language arts, seventh grade i think. anyways yeahh have fun in sixth grade when you get there. oh and continue your story maybe someone would enjoy reading it and if writing is a passion of yours...why not practice right?

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  • 4 years ago

    My childrens are 7, 5 and four Our recurring is tub, supper and then mattress. I take them upstairs make confident they are of their beds tuck them in say goodnight and then pass down stairs and are available on right here lol

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's a good idea for a story for what I've read, but it lacks details. Appeal to all five senses. And try to sound less like your just replaying a story to one of your friends. :)

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