Row 3 ...... Na --> Ar
You wrote, "If in the order of filling orbitals and suborbital 4s comes before 3d..." That is only true for potassium and calcium, but not for scandium and beyond which have electrons in the 3d. The 4s is not occupied until we get to K and Ca, in row 4. From Z = 21 on, the electrons begin to occupy the 3d sublevel. This is all covered in the article referenced below. The elements in row 3 don't have electrons in either the 3d sublevel or the 4s sublevel.
If you had a row three element in an excited state, then all bets are off, the excited electron(s) can be in just about any orbital which is higher in energy.
An important piece of information that is often left out of this discussion is that the 4s sublevel is HIGHER in energy than the 3d sublevel. Therefore, when writing the electron configuration, the 4s is the last sublevel written, for example:
Fe: .... 1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s3 3p6 3d6, 4s2
If you were taught about the Aufbau principle and that the 3d sublevel is higher in energy than the 4s, that is just plain wrong. For the first-row transition metals, the last energy sublevel occupied is the 4s, and the first sublevel to lose electrons is the 4s. This is why the electron configurations of first-row transition metal ions never have any electrons in the 4s.
You can see in the diagram below that for elements with Z=21 and greater, the energy of the 3d is below that of the 4s: