Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

Should I divorce my husband? Will he ever change? ?

My husband and I are both 29 and he has cheated on me for the majority of our marriage. He had a baby on me, I caught him with multiple girls online, and he’s even locked me out of a hotel room when he randomly brought some girl home and I kicked them out I drove him to take her home and he went to a hotel room and Locked me out. That’s was year one of our marriage. In January we will be going on year 3. We have a lot of happy times together but I know the cheating is not over and it bothers me. 

Just last weekend he ignored me and came home at 6 am randomly. I went through his phone and basically found out he was I a hotel room doing coke with a prostitute. I went off on him when he came home and his excuse was that he did that because I stayed out all night one time. He was referring to another time when I left the house and didn’t come back because he cheated and I had just had enough. He says he did all this because Of that time. When I tried to explain the differences in the situation he says “wrong is wrong” and basically said I did the same thing. But I didn’t. I only left home to keep my sanity. I didn’t sleep with someone else and do drugs. Now he has decided to sell drugs to make money when really all he needs to do is go to work. I feel like he’s dragging me down and I want to leave but I don’t want to give up on him. I have a great  job and career and I’m afraid he’s either going to give me hiv or get me caught up in something that could risk my freedom

Update:

People are asking why I stayed.... this is my first marriage, my first real love, and I always wanted a family. I guess I thought that maybe with time he would realize what we have. He’s someone that grew up without rules and guidance which is a lot diff from my background so I guess I thought I could change him. We met in college where partying was ok but now as adults it can’t be something done every night which is what he doesn’t get. Guess It never occurred to me I had low self esteem 

44 Answers

Relevance
  • 8 months ago

    I will keep it 100% With you!  I read your entire message so I will give you the most direct and very blunt answer. 

    You said:"...He’s someone that grew up without rules and guidance which is a lot diff from my background so I guess I thought I could change him"...  

    Boom!! ☝️ There is the root cause of your problem right there in that statement. 

    1. His Upbringing - This should've been a Red flag from day one. You knew about this all along but married him anyways...which leads to my second point below.

    2. Thinking you can change a man - idk why A LOT of women think they can change a man.  A man can only change if HE wants to change. There is  absolutley NOTHING you can do about it. Having sex with him, having His baby or marrying him will NOT change him. 

     Now, Should you divorce him?  Hmmm I think you already know the answer to that question, you just needed confirmation and here you have it.  

  • Native
    Lv 5
    8 months ago

    You are a masochist. A normal person would NEVER stay with a jerk, no matter what happened in the past. YOU are far more unstable than he is, and need as much, or more, therapy than he does. Two wrongs never make a right.  

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Divorceeeeeereeeeeee

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Dump the loser or become a loser.  It's not rocket science.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Cheaters don’t change... and if you keep forgiving him you’ll just wish you’d left the time before! Know your worth, life should be enjoyable, don’t spend it with someone as selfish as he is! 

  • 8 months ago

    Do want you want

  • glcang
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    He won’t..will you? Do you enjoy this nonsense?

    Anyone willing to put up with it has a very low self esteem

  • I don't know if you should divorce him, but the odds are almost certain that he will never change.

  • 8 months ago

    You need to see a shrink, you got something wrong with your brain.He might change if you divorce him.

  • 8 months ago

    Why would he want to change, even if you had the power to create change in him, which you don't? You’re enabling him, and you’re in denial about how great this has affected you. Plan leaving, getting intense counseling to move on.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.