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Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 2 months ago

If woman writes “monetary gift appreciated” in birthday party invite, & her rich cousin gives her $150, is it ok that the cousin is too nice?

I am referring to a member of the family (extended relatives included) who is the most financially stable, thanks to having a well-paying career and contributing the maximum to her 401(k) since the age of 25 when she started that career.  Therefore, she’s living retirement comfortably with a swell next egg.  Thus, my using the word “rich” in comparison to the rest of the family who ranges anywhere from lower-middle class to regular class, while she’s upper-middle class.  

FYI — in addition to the $150 check (to cover she and her 18-year-old granddaughter who also came to the party), she enclosed the check in a singing birthday card, and also got the birthday girl a shawl (despite her tacky birthday invitation that said “monetary gift appreciated.”  Keep in mind it was her 50th birthday, but isn’t that still a little too generous?  And as far as the giver being “rich,” is it no big deal that she’s too nice and naive, since she can afford it?  I’m concerned since the family perhaps thinks of he as the “rich cousin” who they can’t wait to see for “gain” purposes.


Would $50 to $100 in a regular, less expensive birthday card, as well as NO separate item for birthday (shawl) be sufficient?

7 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Doesn't sound like you're this "rich" relative nor the "birthday girl", so I wouldn't worry so much about what other people are doing. 

  • 1 month ago

    Mannerly people do not expect, or even anticipate, that their life's milestones will inspire others to give gifts. Or at least they PRETEND they neither expect nor anticipate gifts. It is always rude to NOT respect that giving gifts is entirely at the discretion of the giver, to NOT respect that the recipient has no say whatsoever in what gift will be chosen, in whether a gift will be given at all.

    If someone ASKS what sort of gift one might appreciate then by all means tell them. They are looking for something like "I love wool socks, garden supplies, and of course cash is always welcome" and NOT for something like "Oh anything is fine." 

  • 1 month ago

    I wonder how this is any of your business.

  • 2 months ago

    I find it interesting that you call your financially stable cousin naive.  You are the one that seems to not understand the word generosity.

    Generosity is an act of kindness.  It is not a competition.  There is no such thing as being too nice.  And those who are nice to others have no control over how others see them.

    From the point of etiquette, a party invitation does not demand a gift (even one as tacky as your cousin's), just the person invited attendance.  Thus no gift is sufficient.

    The bottom line is that it sounds like you are keeping score and are angry that you can't compete with your relative's generosity.  But if you can merely stop seeing it as a competition, this frustration would end. 

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    it sounds okay to me

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Does it really matter what other people are giving?

  • drip
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    One should NEVER ask for a gift in an invitation. The only exceptions is for a wedding or baby shower. 

    A person can give what ever amount they wish to give.  

    A birthday card would have been sufficient.  What card or gift they gave is not up to you to judge.  

    This guest sounds like a professional working women who can handle her own finances

    And if there was ever a time to get a singing card, a 50th birthday would be it. 

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